BTR5
by SchmidtSlut
Summary: 2 years after Big Time Rush played at the Tween Choice Awards. The boys are 21 and Logan is in college, James is a solo artist, Carlos is away as a super hero and Kendall is in the midst of hating his life. Rated M for later chapters!


**Author's Note:**

Hey! Ok, I have a lot of notes to add about this story. Some will be slightly spoiler-y so I'm gonna put them into a 2nd author's note at the bottom of this chapter. But then again you're gonna read what it spoils within the next few minutes, so... your move..

Anyways, while this story is technically supposed to be a fifth season to Big Time Rush, there are a few differences. Each chapter will have a theme and some humor, just like a BTR episode. The chapters, however, will be varying in length. Not every chapter will fit into a typical 22 minute episode format. This is also much more M rated than BTR. There will be drinking, there will be sex. There will be many things you'd never see in the Nickelodeon show. All of the characters are 21 or over. Just a disclaimer.

* * *

*thud*

Lying down in bed was the first moment of relief in Kendall Knight's day. He had a stressful start to his weekend and wound up coming home past midnight feeling pretty ashamed of himself.

But hey, same old, same old.

Hating himself was a normal feeling recently. He couldn't remember the last time he laid down in his bed without needlessly overthinking every action of his life that could be considered embarrassing. He had a terrible case of anxiety and he felt like life was against him.

And it all seemed to start around two years ago.

Adjusting on his mattress, the blonde rolled to his back and slipped out of his black skinny jeans. He inched backward until his head met one of his pillows and slowly sat up. The boy was exhausted.

Before calling it a night, he picked up his phone and decided to check all of his social media before dosing off.

He opened Twitter first. His immediate action was to check his number of followers. It always seemed to drop ever since his band broke up.

"70 less than this morning. Nice." he sarcastically thought.

He exited the app and shifted his focus to Instagram. The first picture being a selfie of his ex-girlfriend and his replacement.

While still friends with Jo, Kendall couldn't help but feel like her breaking things off unexpectedly was another punch in the face from his life. The two were still good friends and Kendall could whole heartedly say he was fine from the whole ordeal. But the male just couldn't get past his current state of mind that everyone hated him. Himself being the hugest contender.

The blonde closed the app, after an extra lengthy yawn, believing he'd actually fall asleep at a reasonable hour tonight. He set a couple of alarms on his phone before setting it on his night table where it was able to charge for the night.

Kendall pulled off his white T and pulled a thin blanket over his half naked body. He silently cursed the building for not having any air conditioning. At least he no longer had a room mate. He didn't dare sleep like this back when James shared the space with him. But then again, when he and James roomed together, he didn't hate his life.

Around the time Big Time Rush played at the Tween Choice Awards, Griffin pulled the plug on Big Time Rush. It was devastating for Kendall. Being in the boy band was all he knew and having the last 4 years of his life vanishing within seconds was enough to send him into a panic attack.

According to Kelly, who told each boy individually, Griffin felt that the boy band competition got too overwhelming. BTR was just another band and were quickly fading. Another reason he claimed was that the boys were too old to be 'family friendly'. Their music was always targeted at children - teenagers and RCM CBT Globalnet Sanyoid wanted a new direction with a new audience. After explaining this all, Kelly was the first person in years to see the blonde cry.

The rest of the guys didn't seem to care at all that they supposedly weren't allowed to release any more songs together. While Gustavo tried to come up with attempts to make BTR more adult oriented, Griffin shot him down. He wanted a solo artist. Someone to appeal to a wider variety, but also someone who was somewhat already known. So he chose James. He wasn't joking with all that solo record shit. Immediately after the news, Gustavo and Kelly got him into the studio and he had a hit single in no time. It's almost like nothing even changed for the taller male.

Carlos was too busy spending time with his new girlfriend too. The Latino knew he had the least amount of verses in their songs, so it wasn't like he was furious that the band would cease to exist or anything. Alexa told him she needed to go on a top secret assignment around mid Autumn that year. Carlos insisted he tag along.

After some convincing, she broke down and the boy was suddenly saying goodbye to all of his friends. While Kendall was upset, he felt Carlos and him hardly ever did anything as just the two of them. He felt they were more.. friends in law, through James and Logan.

Not long ago, Kendall, with the rest of Carlos' friends, heard that the boy had been hit by an asteroid while assisting his fiance on a field mission. Miraculously, he was okay. Not only that, but the asteroid gave him super powers. Now the married couple protect the world. Looks like he got what he wanted too.

Logan admitted to missing being in the band. He also told Kendall that he was joyous it was through. He was felt as if it got in the way of his actual future; being a doctor. Logan quickly enrolled himself in the nearest school and is currently still aiming at getting his PhD.

While all of his friends were moving onto bigger and better things, Kendall was still doing nothing. He stopped mourning over BTR's death and eventually just began to feel empty. James was still famous. Carlos was a freakin' super hero. And Logan was fulfilling his childhood dream.

Kendall had a dream once. Being with his friends, all together, up on stage. What he didn't know at the time is that sometimes, dreams expire.

There was also the hockey thing. He always told himself he'd be in the NHL one day, playing hockey with the big leagues. That dream fizzled and died the day they shut down the only local ice rink near the Palm Woods. Where else was he supposed to go practice in California? Yeesh.

Maybe he missed his shot. He could have moved back to Minnesota with his mother and Katie. Those two left in May 2014, the end of the previous year's school year. While the two ladies loved living in the Palm Woods and supporting the boy's band, they always knew that this was temporary and they'd eventually get back to their normal lives.

Katie was going to start the tenth grade and Jennifer missed all of her girl friends. The first thing his mom said to him about the move was "You don't have to come with us if you don't want to." She trusted them on their own. The three were 20 years old at the time and could easily look after themselves.

That still bugged him. While, yes, he wanted to stay in the crib with James and Logan, her words made him feel like a burden on his family. Maybe he did want to go back to his normal life again and pick up on his hockey career.

But maybe he was just too dead inside to put in any effort to something like that. He was having a pretty tough time being a worthless contribution to society as is.

The thoughts clouded his mind. while he knew every single little thing that has ever and will happen in his life was complete and udder shit, he'd never let anyone know he felt this way. He'd put on a mask and act like the cool, calm, collected former leader of Big Time Rush. Tomorrow, he'd hang out by the pool with his friends. He'd laugh along with their jokes. He'd act like everything was okay. He'd pretend he didn't hate himself.

* * *

Kendall finally got out of bed at 10:17. He shut off the first couple of alarms he set and wound up giving in on the third one.

The blonde grabbed some sweats from the pile taking up a portion of the hardwood floors.

One of the few things to change after his mom, sister and Carlos moved out was that Kendall still resided in the same room. With three rooms and half the occupants gone, the three teens still present each got a room to their own. Logan stayed in the room he and Carlos shared and James took the girl's room.

The blonde dragged himself to the nearest bathroom. After applying deodorant, brushing his teeth and washing his face, Kendall took himself to the kitchen.

The thing he missed the most about his mom was her cooking. James and Logan didn't know shit about the oven, but they were still better than Kendall.

James and Logan were already up, sitting at the kitchen table with a stack of waffles and a bowl of (now soggy) cereal waiting for the blonde.

"Morning" Kendall groaned, taking a seat across from James, with Logan to his right.

"Hey, Kendall. What'd you get into last night?" Logan asked before sipping his glass of orange juice. Frankly, oranges made Kendall sick ever since his incident with them, but that was an old problem. His current problem was finding a good lie to give to his two friends.

"Ya'know" Kendall scoffed. "Just uh, out at a bar. Talked to a girl or two. Pretty chill."

"Nail em?" James intrigued, not daring to look up from a magazine he was reading which just so happened to have a photo of him on the cover.

"Nah, we just got really wasted. One of their brothers had to come drive me home. Real awkward." Kendall explained. Both seemed to buy it considering Logan changed the subject to something about a funny story from his most recent class. The blonde was in too much of a self hating state to listen to Logan's success story.

"Anyways, I gotta get going. See you guys later." the shortest male said as he dropped his bowl in the sink and prepared everything he needed for class today.

* * *

As it turned out, going to the pool wasn't much better. James and Kendall headed down there shortly after breakfast. The blonde hoped getting some fresh air would cheer him up.

He was dead wrong.

"And so I said, that's not the director, that's a turkey club!"

Kendall joined in with the group laughing at his friend Jo's story. Frankly, he thought it made no sense, but that was beside the point. He was trying to fit in.

"Ah, that's a good one." James chuckled. "Like, this one time, I was backstage at this award show, right. And I pulled aside the snack lady, the one in charge of all the food in my room and said "Listen bitch. If I ever find one more cashew in my pistachio bowl, I'll fucking get you thrown out of this business so fast, you'll get whiplash." It was so funny, heheh."

Surprisingly, everyone laughed at that too. Maybe it was just Kendall over exaggerating the situation but ever since BTR ended, all of his friends became much more cynical.

They weren't as happy go lucky as they once were. They rarely got into any hi-jinks or shenanigans like the common occurrences that happened within his first few years in LA. Now a days, all of his friends seemed like they let the town get to their head and they were using it as an excuse to rub their great lives in his face.

Then again, it was probably just him over reacting. He really didn't want to think about it.

Just then, Jett walked over and sat in a lounge chair right between Camille and James. "Hey, where's Lucy?" he asked. "Did she ~mysteriously~ disappear like Guitar Dude and that annoying ginger kid?"

"No. She's on her European tour. She said she should get back within a week or two. It depends how badly her fans want her to add anymore shows" Camille responded.

Ugh. It's like these people couldn't talk about anything else but how great it was to have their heads so far up their own asses. Kendall was just glad they weren't talking about–

"So, Kendall. What's new with you now a days?" Jo asked.

Shit.

"Oh, you know. Tons of crap. I went to Whole Foods the other day for an application. Still no call back. Then I went to Sears to get some new glasses for our kitchen. Pretty wild." he said biting his tongue

…..

"Wait, you're not working?" Jo said, furrowing one of her brows. "That sucks, man."

"yeah." he replied, looking down and keeping his eyes locked with the smoothie in his hands.

"Well, you know I could always get you some work as an extra on New Town High. The directors love me. Jett too. Right, Jett?"

"Right." Jett dryly said while he glared at Kendall.

Actually hearing some positive news about his life, Kendall's eyes beamed as his body shot up at the girl's news. It's not like extra work was his dream job or anything. And it for sure wouldn't be the thing to turn his life around, but he was desperate for something to fill his day out.

"I'd love to!'

* * *

Jo showed Kendall around the New Town High set as he was mesmerized by all the moving cast and crew members.

He had been on a couple of TV shows before where he either only had a cameo or performed with the rest of the band. Knowing this would be the first time he was just an random face in the crowd was slightly depressing.

"Okay, Kendall. You're just going to be playing a student in this scene where my best friend tells me she's pregnant from my ex boyfriend who is now my step dad."

"Jeez, what happened to this show?" Kendall asked in horror.

"Don't ask." she giggled as she rolled her eyes. "Don't worry or anything. It'd take an absolute moron to screw this job up."

Exactly nineteen minutes later, Kendall realized he was that moron.

"Cut!" he heard the director yell. The man in charge of filming this particular scene was staring straight at him as he stormed through the set.

Kendall's job was simple. All he had to do was stand next to a locker with a few other extras and pretend like they were talking to each other. It was awkward, to say the least. But it was somehow comforting to be next to some people who could relate to him for once.

"You!" the man said while planting his fore finger sharply against Kendall's upper body. "What's wrong with you!?"

"W-wh-what do you mean?"

"This!" he exclaimed while making a gesture centimeters away from Kendall's face in an up to down to up again movement. "what's wrong with your face?"

"I? Uh? My fac-"

"Get out of here. I cannot stand the sight of you. You are _far_ too ugly to be working in Hollywood. _Even_ as an extra.

Before the blonde had time to comprehend the insult/insane reason for his firing, he had two middle aged men escorting off set.

Shooting Jo a quick glance to see her reaction at this crazy situation, he found her mouthing the word 'sorry'. Looks like there wasn't anything she could do.

"Shit.. She was my ride." Kendall thought to himself after being pushed outside of a security gate.

* * *

After a very self pitying cab ride, which only got Kendall half way home because he hardly had enough money on him, he sped through the lobby and into the elevator. Today was a enormous let down and he wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and never wake up.

But apparently, his room mates had other plans. They were preparing dinner. They still hadn't picked up on Kendall's preference to eat Chinese food at 3 AM after a quick jack off and cry session. No, they'd rather eat meals **_together_** and behave civilized. Disgusting.

"Kendall! Hey!" Logan chirped, sitting up from the orange couch still resting in the apartment's living area. "How was your little acting gig? James told me all about it earlier."

Luckily he was turned around to shut the door when he heard Logan's absurdly invading question, other wise his friend would have saw him conjure up the fakest of smiles of all time.

"It was great! Standing around in the background and doing nothing is what I wanna be paid for every day!"

"Well you certainly have the face for it!" James remarked from outside of the apartment. He was grilling up some brugers for the boys on their balcony whilst drinking a beer. Kendall just couldn't tell if his line was James being his usual douche-ish self or if word had gotten out about what happened.

Either way, it still hurt.

Fuck James. And fuck his stupid fucking 3+ year record deal he was signed into and his stupid fucking perfect little body that Kendall had always dreamed of having himself. Fuck Logan, too. Him and his stupid ass fucking brain and his goals and ambitions and his annoying ass concept of knowing what he wants to do with his life. God, Kendall just couldn't stand anyone anymore.

"Ya'know…" Kendall groaned while gripping the back of his neck. "There was like, a _huge_ buffet on set. And I'm sooo stuffed. I think I'm just gonna go to bed."

"Oh, alright. See you in the morning, I guess." Logan said, disappointingly. He had picked up on what Kendall was doing. The blonde had found some excuse to go to bed almost every night of the week for about a month now. And it's not like he wasn't aware that Kendall was the only one amongst their friends who wasn't doing anything.

He knew Kendall very well. He wasn't the kind of guy who liked to open up very much. Logan didn't want to pry or anything, so he kept his distance. Asking Kendall about his problems could either allow Logan to take a deeper look into the boy's brain or it could potentially set him off even more. And he wasn't about to take that chance.

And for Kendall, alone time was good. For a while, at least. Right now he just wanted somebody to be with. Someone who could comfort him, even when he tried to push them away. Depression is a scary thing and nobody was sure how to deal with Kendall's. Not even Kendall himself.

Which is why he immediately plopped down on his bed without bothering to get out of his jeans or even considering to shower in the first time within the past 5 days.

What was the point?

* * *

 **Author's Note 2:**

Okay! So, as you can tell, that was much more depressing than a usual episode of BTR. The whole story won't be this much of a downer. I swear.

My inspiration for this came from a Snapchat James posted. It was a photo of him on the fourth of July with a keg in the background. That got me to wondering if the fictional BTR characters ever drank + the fact I always wanted someone to write a fifth season. I figured I'd do it myself! It takes place 2 years after the end of season 4, which was in Summer 2013. So it's currently Summer 2015 in both my story, and real life.

In case you were wondering why exactly I got rid of Carlos, it's simply because I just didn't like his character too much. I was annoyed by him about 75% of the time. The fact that I gave him a happy send off instead of killing him or something is actually pretty generous of me. And even though I adore Alexa and her relationship with Carlos, I wasn't happy with her character. A spy felt waaaay too cartoony to be a major character in the story. I wanted them to be together so they'll be protecting the Earth as this story goes on.

Also while this might actually never come up in the story itself, there seems to be an upstairs to BTR's apartment. I've recently seen a picture of the set and it looks like the only way to get to the swirly slide would be to go through a door only accessible from a second story. So in case I mention that in the story, don't think I'm just making it up or anything. (James' room would be downstairs, across from a master bathroom while Kendall's and Logan's are upstairs)


End file.
